I've always had, what I thought, were good ideas. I love magazines, fashion, beauty, décor, etc. and always wanted to do things like start a magazine, work in advertising, be Anna Wintor or Perry Mason. Oh yeah, did I mention I love the law too? But, alas, I am none of these things. I really never, at least wholeheartedly, pursued any of these dreams. For some reason I always found a way to rationalize why I just couldn't. Either not enough of one thing (time, money) or too much of another (children, other responsibilities).
Looking back, however, I've come to realize those were just excuses to hide what was really going on. I was afraid; afraid to fail, afraid to succeed, afraid to simply try. Instead, I simply did what was comfortable: I found a job in the legal field and stayed there for over 15 years. Working, taking care of my children, husband and home and being comfortable. Until I wasn't anymore.
The worst thing about not following your dreams is constantly working around others who have. It kinda makes you feel like a complete looser. I secretly did this for way too long and tried to act like it didn't bother me but I began to resent my life. So, I worked to change that by going back to school (more times than I care to admit) in an effort to get into a "new and exciting" career. Well, that didn't happen and so I continued to work and feel like a looser until I broke. Then I just quit.
I know, crazy right? Ms. Fear, all of a sudden quitting her job; in this economy. At the time I had good reason, which I won't go into, but it didn't quite pan out. So, here I am, a displaced paralegal who can't seem to find employment and doesn't know what to do with herself. I started a blog many moons ago but only posted a couple times before I gave up on it. I didn't really know what direction I wanted to go in then but I have a better idea now and, since I've nothing else to do, what the hell. I'll give it another go.
Although I still have fears and doubts, even about starting this blog, I've decided 40 years in the wilderness is still way too long to wander. Hopefully, someone out there will join me on these (mis)adventures to find my promised land.
I can't wait to become one of your many faithful readers because you do have really good ideas and you are a hoot. Leggo!!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your comment. You are my first.
Delete